Thursday, March 26, 2009

My morning problem - can anyone help?

Each morning I wake up and try to figure out what 'I' want to do. I don't know, because I have nothing I have to particularly do - no time constraint, no job, no kids, a freelance, a creative. My time is my own. So each morning the problem is the same - trying to guess what I want, as if I were a difficult girlfriend with obscure needs. Do I want to get out of bed? Do I want to stay in bed? Do I want to put some music on and start dancing around? Do I want to go outside for a walk to wake myself up? It doesn't take much to see that the reason I don't know is because my mind is so busy trying to figure it out. The obvious answer is to stop it - How can I know what I want when I'm already occupied with thinking about it? But how? How can I stop thinking about what to do next? After all, I have to do something - don't I? There's a choice. Can I simply refuse to think about what I want? Doing nothing also counts as doing something. Or do I just observe this habit of my mind, see it, watch it, accept it. Watch its inane and constant guessing; be grateful for the moments when I do something from pure impulse. OR I could just do nothing. Do nothing. Nothing.

"If you don't know what to do, you do nothing, don't you? Absolutely nothing, Then inwardly you are completely silent. Do you understand what that means? It means that you are not seeking, not wanting, not pursuing; there is no centre at all. Then there is love." - J. Krishnamurthy

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