True romance?

I sit down for slightly longer than is comfortable. (No choice - I'm waiting for latihan and I'm stuck at the Amadeus centre - far away from my house - for nearly 2 hours). I've just spent 24 hours in Brighton with photographer and mystic Bjorn Vaughn, and now I'm... just don't know what I'm doing. Waiting. The body is restless. The body calms down; I find myself staring with blank eyes at the shape of trees. With my eyes open my thoughts get distracted. I can trick them into shutting up; harder when my eyes are closed; too much pressure. Better with the windows open...

So I sit there, and after a good ten or fifteen minutes, just slightly longer than I'm comfortable with - just after ignoring the itchy fidgety feeling in my arms and legs for long enough - I feel a laugh gathering in my belly, it gathers strength and then just comes out. I laugh with merriment. More laughing. For no reason at all. Then it stops. But I feel good, and justified in sitting there doing F-all while the rest of the world does purposeful and productive things. I keep saying to myself:

-- what do nothing? not even take a walk, do some exercise, go shopping?
-- We talked about this remember?
-- yeah, um.. ok

Ooof. It takes some discipline. But then that laugh comes out. And then... as if channeling some comedian from the underworld I suddenly conceive an entire stand-up sketch/joke and write it into my notebook. Blam! It comes out - just like that. No thinking or preparing. It writes itself. I have enough energy to do it. I can be bothered. Unlike almost everything else, it is not premeditated and I don't have to worry about it.

True motivation? true energy? the source I've been waiting for? Is it as simple as sitting still and doing nothing.

I think so.

Maybe it's the same for everything - career, love, holiday plans. Just sit and let em come

(Though then, 'course, I spent the rest of the evening fulminating because I couldn't sit still...)

let it roll